PSSSSSTTTT!!!!! Go visit me at dislocated ficti...

PSSSSSTTTT!!!!!


Go visit me at

dislocated fictions

and update your linkies!!

Want to lose 10lbs per week? HERE'S HOW! The a...

Want to lose 10lbs per week? HERE'S HOW!

The all new uber-stress diet! Guaranteed to melt the weight away. Lose at least ten pounds per week.


It's soooooo simple!


That's right. All you need to do is put yourself under bucketloads of stress. Drink lots of coffee, smoke lots of cigarettes, and don't eat. You'll be able to watch the pounds melt off.


"I've lost 34 pounds in three weeks!"


Groovy.

My comments system appears to have been cut off. ...

My comments system appears to have been cut off.


Dammit.


Good thing I've got email in case anyone has thoughts to share.

disassociated I keep finding myself drifting fu...

disassociated


I keep finding myself drifting further and further from being the idealized American(tm) commercialized consumerist drone. In fact, I keep finding myself feeling less and less American, which is an odd feeling.


It seems my faith in America has finally been shaken to the core. Too much piled on too quickly, and the heap smells suspiciously of shit. And perhaps some day I'll be able to verbalize it, formulate it, explain it.... but not today. Today, I'll just sit and consider the multitudes of shitty things that happen -- like the song says -- "only in America".

searches again 26 Aug, Tue, 09:58:26 Go...

searches again



26 Aug, Tue, 09:58:26 Google: hyper machine

26 Aug, Tue, 16:35:19 Google: machine fuck

26 Aug, Tue, 19:26:12 Google: fucking machine

26 Aug, Tue, 20:02:31 Yahoo: machine fucking

26 Aug, Tue, 20:22:37 Google: fucking machine"

26 Aug, Tue, 21:11:02 Google: fucking machine

26 Aug, Tue, 22:35:19 Google: fucking machine

26 Aug, Tue, 22:35:34 Google: emshwiller "family tree"

27 Aug, Wed, 00:19:01 Google: fucking machine yahoo

27 Aug, Wed, 01:00:27 Google: gabe chouinard

27 Aug, Wed, 02:08:29 Yahoo: anti-tolkien

27 Aug, Wed, 06:02:44 Google: fucking+machine

27 Aug, Wed, 06:15:51 Google: fucking machine

27 Aug, Wed, 06:53:06 Google: howard chaykin bester

27 Aug, Wed, 07:49:04 Yahoo: fuck machine

27 Aug, Wed, 08:45:17 Google: fucking machine

27 Aug, Wed, 08:52:15 Google: fucking machine

27 Aug, Wed, 10:27:35 Google: fucking machine

27 Aug, Wed, 10:36:00 Google: fucking machine



I'm noticing a pattern here, and it's disturbing.


By the way, I'm feeling better today. I have the girls overnight, and they always perk me up. Ava is such a little brute, it's funny.

It's these dead-of-night times that are the worst....

It's these dead-of-night times that are the worst. When it's quiet, and there's nothing to keep my mind from thinking. This is when I feel the most damaged, when I can't make my own head shut the hell up.


I keep wanting to hate her, but I can't bring myself to it. Why should I? I've never hated her, and can't make myself start now. Which is probably why all of this hurts so much. Probably why I keep calling her, even though I know it's just going to cut deeper each time. People are so frail inside, you know? Especially when wounded; we're like abused puppies that keep cowering back.


I just hope that those of you reading this blog can take a moment to appreciate your spouse/mate/whatever. If I walk away from this a hurt person, then my only real hope is that other people will use this to realize how wonderful their partners really are. So, you know, without falling into self-help New Age-y bullshit... take the time to appreciate your loved ones. Because when it's too late, it's too late and that's it, end of story.


And we all know that it usually sucks when the story ends.



And yeah, I'm just as fucking sick of listening to myself whine as you are reading it. If I could stop, I would.

It's 2:23 AM. Still not sleeping. I can't sleep....

It's 2:23 AM. Still not sleeping. I can't sleep.


Jesus Christ on a stick. Can't anything turn out normal?